Big announcement

Her name is Cathy and we're getting married in October.

Either that, or I've just put up a new home page. Let me know what you think.

Myself - Chapter 3 - Part XX

Helen looked at both of us, her head moving rapidly side to side. After a while, she said, “Have you tried to figure out how this happened?”

“Well I was just about to call a physics professor, and ask how it was possible for- No, we haven’t tried to figure out how this happened! Some freak of nature or something. Regardless, I don’t think it can be explained.”

“Oh,” she said. “So why’d you come to me? You think that just because I’m an identical twin I can provide you with some deep insight on the experience?”

“Well, that’s not why we came, but could you?”

“Could I what?”

“Could you sing and dance for us. Could you provide us with deep insight on the experience?”

She thought for a moment. “Ooh, have you tried switching identities?”

“Do you do that?”

“Not often. We did it for Prom. That was fun.”

I looked at her in disbelief. “You really did that?”

“Yeah. Shasta decided it was time to break up with Shawn when he tried making a move on me. She had a great time with my date, though.”

I shook my head. “I’d never have thought you two would do that. Though I must say, I am impressed.”

“Thank you.”

Bugsy stepped in. “That’s your deep insight? Switching identities?”

“What do you want from me?” she asked.

“Something deep.”

“Okay, okay…” She thought for a moment. “Don’t forget which of you is which.”

We pondered that for a moment, grasping at its full meaning.

“Okay,” Bugsy said. “You’re no help in this department.”

“Yeah, I just yanked that one out of my pooper,” Helen said.

But is it art?

A little fun with Photoshop filters...

Myself - Chapter 3 - Part XIX

The next morning, the three of us went out to Helen’s house. Helen didn’t know yet that there were three of us, so I was going to knock on the door alone, then introduce Bugsy, then Emily, both of whom would be hiding at first.

The concept of there being three of me wouldn’t be totally new to Helen; there were two of her. She had an identical twin named Shasta. I suspected that they shared mannerisms not due to similarities in personalities, but simply to confuse people. If nothing else, I hoped that they would provide some insight on my situation.

Bugs and Em hid behind a shrub. I walked up to the door and rang the bell. Helen opened the door.

“Hi, Bernie!”

“Hello, Helen.” I noted the alliteration.

“Come on in.”

“Actually,” I said, “there’s something I want to discuss before I come in.”

“Oh?”

“I’m actually here for a reason.”

“Coming to have a nice chat with me isn’t a reason?”

“Well, this time it’s out of necessity.”

“It’s always out of necessity. I find people generally can’t go three weeks without talking to me before they start going batty.”

I gave her a cockeyed look. “Let’s get down to business here. The other morning, I woke up, and there were two of me.”

It took a couple of seconds for her to digest that. “Two of you?”

“Two of me.”

“Funny, same thing happened to me this morning.”

“I’m not joking with you here.”

“Just like that? Poof! Two of you?”

“You read that Kafka book. You know how he wakes up a bug? I woke up doubled.”

She paused before she spoke. “Bernie, I thought you didn’t do the funny stuff.”

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. “No, really. He’s over there.” As I pointed at the shrub, Bugsy came out and walked over.

“Oh my goodness,” Helen said, putting her hand over her mouth. “That’s bizarre.”

“Tell me about it,” I said.

“Pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” Bugsy said while pantomiming taking his hat off.

My spam is getting weirder

Look at the subject line of the highlighted message, and the sender name of the message below it. Click for bigger picture.

I'm currently obsessed with...

Volcanos.

Myself - Chapter 3 - Part XVIII (2 extra lines)

"Will, if you want me to appreciate your work, make it rhyme," I said.

Emily rolled her eyes. "I guess I'm my own worst critic."