Great Family Guy Episode!

Great Family Guy Episode!

Another Bernie Langer Production

Thursday or Friday February 9th or 10th, I shall be directing a shoooow, making a wonderful excuse for any or all of you to come up and visit me for the weekend! By show, I mean one-act-play, and by one-act-play, I mean there's a four in six chance if you're reading this blog that you've seen or been in it. It's about a homicidal parrot.

Shout Out

I'd like to give a shout-out to my man Josh Mellits, who sent me a postcard all the way from the Holy Land. And I'd also like to give a shout-out to divine intervention, because the postcard made it to me despite an incorrect zipcode (it's 12604, Josh, not 12505).

This is a kind of dumb post, seeing as I strongly doubt that Josh is aware of the existance of this blog. But sooner or later, he'll google himself, and find his well-deserved shout-out.

Also, I realize that others of you have also sent me postcards. I appreciate that. But Josh's came as a complete surprise. That's why I'm kinda giddy.

quote from englich class

teacher "can u please give me an example of a false analogy?"
student "people cannot afford to live in houses, therefore they are drug users."
teacher "thats not really a false analogy..."

Phrase of the Day

In a reading for a geography course: "Cartographically ignorant."

UPDATE: Runner-up- an unhealthy skepticism of maps is called cartophobia.

Mean Girl Debate

Although she is mean, and she may seem to be a part of the problem, it is very nice to hear that the plight of the nice guy is heard and understood. Even if she is a bitch, she points out that not everyone is like her, and for those who are will hopefully change, and if they don't they will rot in hell with people like her. How’s that for a response.

Nice Guy Debate

Recently, the following essy about 'nice guys' has been making its way around the internet: link. As a 'nice guy', I was able to relate to the type of character described, and the problems he faces. However, after finishing the article, I felt worse than before reading it. I feel like the author is part of the problem, not the solution. I want to start a little discussion in this forum, most of whose contributors and readers are 'nice guys'.

I'm disabling comments on this post. Please reply in a new post, or by e-mailing a blog member.

Captain Bernard

Gggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!...........

General Dorsch-

This means war.

Bernie...

No I didn't, hence my joke, Me correcting your spelling. (aka the thing abut forgetting the "n" was my joke in responce to your no so funny joke.)

matthew...

matt, you missed the joke.

re;^2 Huh?

Bernie, read it again! The number reads 5,000,00. It is missing a zero, the commas are off, or it is supposed to be a desimal point.
p.s. you misspelled million (you forgot the "n")

Re: Huh?

Oh, that's five millio dollars.

Huh?

Someone please explain what this number is supposed to be:



You have to click it in order to see it. Now, I'm no math whiz, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't exist. Found it on a Facebook ad, fyi.

Where I wish I were right now

Right here- at my house. But with all you here. And with a good coating of snow on the ground. And with us all coming in from sledding, ready for hot chocolate. That's where I'd like to be right now.

Matthew Dorsch, Myth or Man

If I were to write an autobiography I would call it "Matthew Dorsch, Myth or Man???". If I were to host a talk show, I would have a segment called "Matthew Dorsch, Myth or Man???".

Random Thoughts

If I were to write an autobiography, one potential title would be "I Don't Have Anything Better to Do".

If I were to host a talk show of some sort, I would have a segment called "Roughing the Passer".

I do not apologize for wasting the last seven seconds of your life.

News of the Week

So... there's been a bomb threat today, at Brandeis. One of my classes had to evacuate a building, and now the entire campus is on lockdown. Which means we're stuck in the dorm all night, with no food. Well, there's food, but I'm not sure cheez doodles and goldfish count as a meal. Oh well. Should be SOME night we're in for...yay?

The Cutting Room Floor

These pictures will not be appearing in next year's Akiba yearbook... but they're appearing here:



Oh, and she's single...

New pictures

I've put up new pictures, recently taken on my jaunts up the Delaware River.

It's snowing out

The snow really isn't that impressive. But this blog needed a new post.

Also, although I'll likely be giving in soon, my negative thoughts on Facebook are based on this little paranoid article.

overheard

2 girls talking to each other:
"u look like a granpa, u look like an old man".
"i dont care, i like it that way".
i didnt get to see what she looked like and im glad.

ooo yes

i am really happy now- i finally got rid of like 10 viruses on my laptop, so hopefully they are gone for good, but i'm probably wrong. the viruses were so bad, my internet would shut off every minute and the computer would just freeze, it was baaaad.

Just for the heck of it...

To Adam, Alexis, David, Isaac, Marti, Pat, Ross, and Steph:

Hark!

Back in Pitt, or am I?

I am now back in Pitt, but not really. As most of you know I have fucked up eyes, so I have a specialists appointment on Monday the 16th I will probably be flying home sometime on Thursday night and will be home for the weekend. Yeah! So, I will be back home in less than a few weeks, and then I will be back in Pittsburgh.
For those of you who don't know what i have and actually care (aka bernie) here are some links:
http://www.allaboutvision.com/conditions/keratoconus.htm
http://www.allaboutvision.com/conditions/colordeficiency.htm

some people dont get it

Morris and his Rabbi joke:
Morris goes to the rabbi and says, "I committed a sin and I want to know what I can do to repent."

"What was the sin?" the rabbi asked.

"It happened just once," Morris assures him. "I didn't wash my hands and recite the blessing before eating bread."

"I felt awkward Rabbi," said Morris. "You see, I was in an un-kosher restaurant."

The rabbi's eyebrows arch. "And why were you eating in an un-kosher restaurant?"

"I had no choice," Morris said. "All the kosher restaurants were closed."

"And why were all the kosher restaurants closed?" the rabbi asked.

Morris replied, "It was Yom Kippur."