Myself (part III)

At that point, I began to panic. I didn’t have a ticket, and I didn’t have money. I wondered if maybe I did. I would never get on a train without a ticket or money. I’m always prepared like that. And if I were with someone, I would make sure the other person had a ticket, too. But what if the other person were me? Would I think to buy a second ticket for myself? No. I made a slip up. I turned my head back, to see the conductor punching the ticket of my other self. A minute later, he got to me.

“Can I have your ticket?” he asked.

“You already did,” I responded, trying not to make eye contact.

“Excuse me?”

“You already punched my ticket.”

“I’ll ask you one more time-" he said.

I looked up at him. “You see that guy over there?” I pointed behind me. “you punched his ticket, right?”

The conductor didn’t respond. He just looked at me, waiting to hear what came next.

“Well that’s me,” I said. “You already punched my ticket.”

Without a pause, without even looking, the conductor said, “well you’re taking up two seats. You need two tickets.”

“I’d call that a discriminatory policy,” I said.

“One seat per ticket.”

“Are you saying I’m going to need to sit on my own lap?”

“I’m saying-"

Suddenly, the man sitting next to me interrupted the conductor. The man looked like a typical businessman on his way to work. He handed the conductor a ticket, saying, “This is for the young man.” The conductor took the ticket and moved on. The businessman said to me, “I’ve been taking this train for fifteen years, and that was the greatest, most imaginative excuse for not having a ticket that I’ve ever heard.” And with that, he went back to his newspaper.