Phil-thy update

Jon: "[At Goucher] 30 percent of 1,350 are Jews."
Rabbi Field: "One out of every three are Jewish. That's the same as Warsaw before the war."

Mass Akiba Visit on Wednesday

Be there.

The Annual Gift Guide

He may be taking a Sabbatical, but Dave Barry still has fulfilled his duties of completing his annual gift guide. Here is the list of the strangest items ever to be seen on the internet:
Dave Barry's Gift Guide 2005

I request that you refrain from purchasing any of these for me, for I will be required to cease all communication with you. Thanks, and have a Merry Christmas.

EDIT: I feel the need to point out specifically the Titanic toy. Fun for all ages!

This Buds for You!

Today we salute you stressed out college student during exam week. As you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on starbucks & aderol, you think to yourself, am I ever going to need to know this stuff in life? The distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissisticrage. I'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you have checked your buddy list 800 times. Hannukah break is just days away, and your prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. So crack open an ice cold bud light after that last exam, because for most of us, Hannukah will be spent in rehab.

New Years!

I have a last minute change of plans and I will actually be home for new years, so who ever wants to come to my house, the doors are open! Just let me know if you want to come over to my house and i can buy food and what not. If not, any other ideas? Just a suggestion.

teacher is pissed

the following e mail made me laugh for a long time:

" [on the final] The average was not good, it was around a 60. There was even an 18
which is amazing as an 18 is below random answers.

I broke the A's at an 87, 87 or above was an A.

There were a number of people who didn't do the homework, this was a
major part of the grade and therefore you final grade reflects this.
Others seem to blow off the latter labs. As homework and labs are 50%
of your grade, it became very difficult to do well without there.


Jeff"

...i was expecting maybe a "what the hell is wrong with you people, failing my incredibly hard multiple choice final!"
i passed the class because we all got 100's on the labs and it was a useless 1 term programming thing with visual basic, and i'll forget all that i learned soon.

HA!

Nothing is better then the great county of Allegany. We’re known for our…. uhhh…. High crime rate? Well, it’s certainly is more exciting and better thAn Dutchess county (dirty New York).

Greatest county

It's game time! Whose college is in the county with the best name?

I'll start the ball rolling by extolling the virtues of Dutchess County, NY.

Stuff to do

Why don't we all meet and go see the Producers somewhere?

Winter Break Beckons

This is going to be the MOST AWSOME WINTER BREAK EVER. YEAAHHH!. Anyway, there's some fun stuff I think we should all do at some point. All blog contributors and readers are invited (all six of you... seriously, I don't think there are more than six. Five contributors and one reader.)

Possible ideas:
Monopoly marathon night
Risk marathon night? (fun game, goes on forever)
MOVIES
Visiting Akiba and waging war on whatever and whomever we see fit (Mrs. Schuman is a worthy opponent, I'm thinking)
Getting really drunk, followed by wild orgy
Sledding, if possible

Unfortunately, I'm not available New Year's Eve, so you'll all have to engage in wild debauchery that night without me.

A new one

Random girl (to me): "You root for the New York Giants and Philadelphia Phillies? Wait-- are you gay?"

Re: Sled?!

That... is... the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Sounds like Darwinism at work.

Sled?!

Sleds??? Who needs sleds? The best is sledding face first on your stomach aimed right at a tree. There is some weird game people play, where you try to get as close to the tree with out wiping out. It harder than it sounds, cause when your cold and going face first into a tree, well... it just hurts, badly.

SNOW!

We have tons of fucking snow! It's been going ALL day, and it's STILL going! At least 6 inches, I'd say! Time to steal trays from the cafeteria and go sledding!

It snowed last night! It snowed last night!

I can't believe it snowed last night!!!

The Pittsburgh Haiku

(Light dim, a spot slowly opens on our reader and then)

It is snowing here
Harder, harder each moment
It is cold too, Burrrr

(Spot slowly fades to black, house light slowly fade on)

Acting!!!
(thunderous Applause) Excellent! Brilliant! Marvelous!...
Thank You!!!!!

ATLEASTSEVENINCHES!!!!

ohboyohboyohboyohboy!

Public Apology

My dearest readers,
It has recently come to my attention that I recently misused the word "hole", meaning "A hollowed place in something solid," instead of the proper word, "whole", meaning "entire". For this I am sorry. I have let down my friends, my family, and, worst of all, my readers. This hurts me very deeply. I do hope, however, that we can get past these troubles, and move on to the future. Once again, I am sorry.

"The Hole Time"

That's such a Harvard joke. But it's still funny.

Bernie, that was a very nice essay, I really liked it a lot. And as for David's grammatical mistakes...at least he didn't write "the hole time."

And as for bragging about snow...you guys know that you have nothing to brag about, with me meeting my idols every day :-D

luvya,
michael

Pythagorean Theorem and Then Some

So we just got out of our class where we had to read Proof, a play about math. And in it was a math joke that only Bernie and maybe Michael could appreciate. There's a mathematician band that plays on the campus of the college in the play, and they have one song called "i". They just sit there for 3 minutes. Get it?! "i"??? As in, the "Imaginary Number"?!?! Isn't that great?!

Anyways, back to sanity. Our professor also insisted on proving the Pythagorean Theorem to us through algebra, something a certain Mrs. Hoagland would never have allowed. Algebra and Geometry together?! Never! It was impressive. And as for my grammatical mistake, I am truly ashamed. I never make grammar errors, and I really feel terrible that you all had to see that. I apologize.

Lunacy?

SNOW!?

What are all you bragging about. I have snow here too. And teachers never cancel classes for snow. Classes haven't been cancled for snow for like 6 years.

SNOW!

YES YES! It snowed! Two inches! In Poughkeepsie. While I was in Philadelphia. Where it snowed a wee bit too. I plan to post a picture of me later bundled up, biking in the snowey weather to the store (ironically, to buy ice ice cream).

David- they cancel classes for up to eight inches of snow...in BOSTON??? sorry, sorry. WALTHAM??? Isn't that like cancelling classes in Philadelphia everytime a team loses? (ouch)

Also. David. No. NO. NO. "Teacher's" should NOT have an apostrophe. It is the PLURAL and NOT the possessive. That's a wap of the figurative stick of old.

SNOW!

Ha! I win! See here:
SNOW!

That's the view out my window. And also, we might be getting up to 8 inches tonight and tomorrow combined. YAY! Teacher's are already cancelling classes. WOOHOO! Let's party!

Traveling at Night: A *bonk* Essay

Traveling during the day is nice. You can see all the scenic and beautiful things around you (of course, this does not apply in New Jersey). However, there is a certain mystique to traveling at night. Looking out, you do not see scenic vistas, or almost anything at all. All you see are random lights from various buildings, or even less if you are in a more rural area. And with that, you can imagine the scenery that may or may not be there. There is an air of mystery. Traveling into nowhere. The surroundings hold limitless possibilities. Dense forest. Sweeping fields. Majestic mountains. They could be there.
Riding the train home tonight, I looked out the window the hole way. The Hudson River was there, I knew, but anything else, I had no idea. The river could have been a wide scenic lake. The twinkling lights on the other side… they could be Daisy’s green lamp on the dock. Very peaceful, very calming.

Mark your calendars!

This Friday is DLB's birthday.

(In 2002, when this was relevant, I wrote it down. I just happened to be looking at my old datebooks, and came across this tidbit.)

NOOO

I can't believe you actually took the time to explain something to Michael. You should be ashamed.

On a lighter note, I'm back at school after 3 weeks of mono. YAY for being healthy enough to go to school but sick enough to sleep through most of every day!

re: troubled

It's not bleeding. It's red lingerie.

troubled

Why is the bunny rabbit bleeding from the neck?